Jumping Head First
by LivingInImaginary
Summary: She could feel her heart falling already. No, not falling. She felt like she had chosen to jump head first of a cliff. Behind the scenes of E and J. Rated T for adult scenes and swearing.
1. The Beginning

**Howdy ;] **

**So after some obsessive discussion with a good friend [who turns out to be inlovewithvanity- check her out!] i decided to write about Eric and Jenny. And i fell in love with the idea. So here it is, a prized posession of mine. I planned on it being a one shot, just some drabble about what could happen between them. And with little pushing from said friend, i decided this would be a story. Bit of angst, bit of drama, a lot of lust, and some love in there somewhere. **

**BUT for my story to work, imagine this just after the white party. Except Bart's already dead. Because i'm too lazy to include intricate details of how the story really goes, so you'll have to just go along with it. But i promise its good. **

**Please review too. I'm going to sound all whiny, but don't just put it on alert. Tell me how you _really _feel :]**

**Disclaimer: Nope. Just nope. You know i don't own this so yatter yatter blah blah blah.  
**

Jenny stared ahead, her body feeling weak. After all her mistakes with that Asher jerk and some on-again-off-again flings, she could feel that same tremble in her hands. She could feel her heart falling already. No, not falling. She felt like she had chosen to jump head first of a cliff.

And just like jumping headfirst off a cliff, she was incredibly stupid for falling in love again.

Jenny couldn't help but stare. She stared at his dark haunted eyes, hidden behinds thick lashes. She imagined her hands running through his brown hair (Brunette? Blonde? Would he like to make up his mind?). She imagined their hands intertwined, walking through those school gates and proving a point to all those snobby bitches. She was done with snobby bitches.

Jenny exhaled, a hand running through her blond hair. She was thinking about cutting it – a little blonder, a little edgier. She was sick of being Little J. Time to shed her old skin and take on whatever it was she needed to be now.

After scoring a job with Waldorf Designs and becoming an instant hit at the white party, Jenny was exhausted. She'd apologised to Erik, her very best friend whether she'd hurt him or not, and now she was all messed up. She was in love.

And he was gay.

Erik and Asher were long over, Jenny knew that. If she felt any jealously whatsoever, it would be of Asher. Because Asher was Erik's type. And by type, she meant had balls and a six-pack. Jenny rolled her eyes. What was the appeal? What did Erik _see _in Asher?

Nothing that Jenny had seen in Asher, that's for sure. Erik was a better person than Jenny. Jenny used people. She'd never really been in love before. Asher wasn't even lust. He was just nice-looking and was rich. He was right for an on-coming queen.

_Buzz. Buzz. _

"Hellooooo?" Jenny sang into the little intercom.

"Hey, J," Erik sang back. She swallowed hard, trying to rid the lump in her throat. It was just Erik van der Woodsen.

Adorable, sweet, caring Erik van der Woodsen. Jenny sighed.

"Come in, van der Woodsen," she said quietly. Erik was at the door in seconds, leaning against a door like some Greek god who had no idea how much he was worth. Jenny shut her eyes tightly. "Morning, E," she mumbled, stumbling into the kitchen.

"Whatcha up to, Jenny?" he said, bounding into their loft.

"Sitting here dying of boredom. Weekends are my low point," she told him, breaking out the hot chocolate. "But how are _you_?"

Erik scratched his head as he thought about it, Jenny having to look away. It felt wrong to look at him now. God, fifteen and in love with a gay boy. She was absolutely pathetic.

"Eh. I've had better days," he shrugged. "You should see the homework I've got sitting at home. But I'm procrastinating. And when I think procrastinating, I think sitting at home watching shit movies with Jenny Humphrey."

"I'm flattered," Jenny said sarcastically.

Erik smiled, staring out the window. It was a cold, dreary, rainy day. Jenny juggled two mugs in her hands, the tip of her tongue gently peaking out of her mouth as she concentrated. She didn't want a big mess to clean up.

Jenny crouched in front of the DVD cabinet. "So any particular shit movie in mind?"

Erik shrugged. "Anything. A terrible comedy. A stupid romance. Anything," he repeated, still staring at the heavy downpour.

She picked up the first one she could find and jammed it into their DVD player. It was pretty cheap, and often broke much to the family's dismay.

She groaned inwardly as she realised what she'd put on. The Notebook. Of all stupid movies to play, why this one? Why the movie with the goddamned best make out scene on screen?

They sat, watching for a few minutes. Jenny couldn't help herself but glance at Erik every few minutes.

"E, there's something on your face," she says quietly. He tears his eyes away from the movie and raises an eyebrow. He wipes his chin, and then his cheek. Even his nose.

Jenny sighs. "Oh, never mind. Here," she said, sitting on the arm chair of his couch and wiping the milk from the corner of his mouth. She could feel his body heat rolling off him. Jenny was practically on top of Erik. Her heart thudded unevenly. _Thud, thud, thud. _

"Thanks," he mumbles, unable to tear his eyes away from her face.

_Thud, thud, thud. _Faster and faster. Jenny thought she might have a heart attack.

She couldn't move. She just couldn't. Erik's eyes fluttered as he thought. She watched his face colour, and she wished just for a minute she could read his mind.

If someone could read her mind, they would understand. She was filled with too many thoughts that were racing through her mind too fast. She was all muddled and incomprehensible.

She didn't know what to do as Erik closed his eyes and leant in. She just closed her eyes too, and let Erik mould his lips between hers. She felt the pulse of his heart under her hands as she placed her palms on his chest.

Seconds later, or maybe minutes a – it could've been hours, even – Jenny was in Erik's arms. She wasn't letting him kiss her anymore; she was playing her part too. Jenny clutched her hands in his hair, a sigh escaping her lips.

Erik's tongue traced the edge of her lips, asking for permission to enter. Her lips parted while he traced her teeth and the roof of her mouth.

Jenny fumbled with the edge of Erik's top. She felt so unsure, so nervous. But she was with Erik, and it felt right.

She gulped at the sight of Erik shirtless. He was tanned from the Hampton's, and fit with swimming at the beach all vacation.

Erik stopped kissing her for a minute and gazed into her big blue eyes. He hadn't expected this. He hadn't expected this at all. But right now, he wanted this. He wanted Jenny. He flashed her small a smile, his eyes bright with excitement before pressing his lips to her neck. It sent shivers down Jenny's spine.

Jenny didn't think about her dad on his road trip or Dan spending the weekend at Vanessa's .She didn't think about the assignment she should be writing now or what she'd have to make for dinner. She thought about being with Erik.

Her nails, painted the colour of midnight, grazed his bare chest as he bit down on her bottom lip. Erik stood up; wrapping Jenny around him in those straddling positions he'd seen in the movies. He carried her to her bedroom. Jenny's eyes flickered to the screen playing as she left the hall. The movie had reached the soaked-in-the-rain passionate kiss. A silly smile played on her face and her cheeks coloured.

_Erik van der Woodsen_.

Jenny threw her dress off as she jumped onto the bed, feeling ridiculously giddy. Erik's eyes swooped over her body intensely, and his cheeks heated again. He was probably thinking the same things she was.

Jenny didn't know what to expect. It had hurt a little, yes, but Erik kissed her every time she'd let out a small yelp in pain. They laughed a little at themselves. Best friends. She was losing her virginity to her best friend, and she wouldn't have it any other way.


	2. We Humphreys Can Belong With Anyone

**Sorry, short chapter. But this is how I first wrote it, so I thought this was how it should be. High School is crazy right now for me, so updating and writing is becoming harder and harder. But it gets better, and there's more to come. So keep reading. **

Jenny stretched, morning light shining on their bare bodies. Her golden hair curled over her face as she yawned, memories of the previous night flooding back. She smiled.

Erik's face was sombre as he slept. She knew wondered what he was thinking about while her phone started ringing. She jumped in the air and held it between her hands. Erik blinked and rubbed his eyes as he sat up.

They stared at each other, an unspoken revelation running between them. Their eyes flickered to caller ID. _Dan_.

Jenny exhaled as the phone stopped ringing. She placed it on the bench beside her and rolled over into Erik's chest. "Fuck," she mumbled. Erik wrapped his arms around her, not knowing what to say. They stayed like this, not keeping track of the time. Jenny groaned as her phone beeped again.

"Leave me alone!" she grumbled, throwing a pillow over her head.

"I think you should see this," Erik whispered. Jenny peaked at the screen from under her pillow.

J, look. I'm coming home right now. Fight with V. Rrrr.

Jenny looked at Erik, panicking. He scrambled under the covers, searching for his boxers. She watched him bound out of the room, swearing loudly over and over again.

He came back dressed, his hair somewhat neat minutes later. Jenny hadn't moved. She felt weak. "Wait-"

"Jenny! I can't just- I can't just sit here okay? We need to go! We have to pretend nothing happened. Not until I figure this out," he pleaded, taking her wrists and tugging her out of bed.

She stumbled as she grabbed clothes while Erik cleaned his teeth in the bathroom. She was clean, but her heart felt heavy. _Until I figure this out_. Erik still didn't know how he felt about her.

He brushed a blond strand out of her face and brushed his lips gently against hers before opening the door.

"Dan?" Erik asked, his voice breaking on the word. Was he nervous? Guilty? Jenny hung in the shadows, her eyes blank as she stared ahead.

"Oh hey, Erik. What are you doing here?"

Erik glanced at Jenny before shrugging. "Just called in to say hi. Heard she got some pretty tough homework too. I was procrastinating," Erik grinned. Jenny could see how hard it was for him not to just bolt out the door. If she had the option, she'd be out of here too.

"D-Dan," she nodded, strolling back to their living room a slumping into the cushions, burying her head.

"Uh, see you round, Dan. Jenny?" Erik called, she bolted upright, her light eyes meeting his dark ones for a moment in time. It was a fleeting look, but a meaningful one. Jenny's heart thudded at the intensity.

"Bye," Erik mumbled before bounding out the door.

Dan sat down next to Jenny. She turned to him, about to ask him what was wrong, but he'd already launched into a long description.

"So, while I was at Vanessa's, she started lecturing me about Serena. About how she was a van der Woodsen and I was a Humphrey and we didn't belong. I told her to piss off but she got all defensive. You're a girl, what does that mean?"

She rolled her eyes at her brother's typical boyish stupidity. "It means, idiot, that Vanessa's still in love with you."

Before she could reach her door, she spun around to look at her brother. Her blood felt like lava in her system. "And don't listen to her. We Humphrey's can belong with anyone. Especially a van der Woodsen."


	3. History Repeats Itself

**Well hello there ;]**

**So, this installment is the whole party scene. I do believe the whole drunk-off-your-ass thing is quite magical . . .Uh, sorta? **

**Anyway, I go on camp on camp in two days (Monday here in Australia but don't even get me started on time differences because I've had so much freakin maths this week I think my brain is a permanent pile of nothing). So this is probably my second last or so update for now, depending on how busy I am. Rrrr, high school. :|**

**And for those who are wondering why this story is about sex and teenagers and blah blah blah, I'm not a pervy weirdo and I don't base all my stories around it. I just really wanted to capture that awkward tension between Eric and Jenny that you know is there but no one's ever written about. Seriously, there's not even _one_ E & J fanfic. I was astounded.  
**

Jenny studied herself in the mirror. Long white dress, golden hair and blue eyes clouded with her hidden secrets. She did a twirl, her blood pumping viciously in her veins. She hadn't seen or talked to Erik in eight days. Nine? She hadn't kept track.

But now she was going to some society event, because Blair had invited Serena and Serena had invited Dan and Dan had invited his little sister. She still wasn't sure this was a good idea, but what else was there to do? She wasn't going to avoid him forever.

Jenny felt impatient as she climbed into a cab, watching the city lights flicker by as they drove. She didn't even remember paying them, or getting out of the cab. But suddenly she was at the door, facing her (current) biggest fears and dreams.

The room was dark, magical. Jenny's eyes flickered between the bar, the gold lights shimmering across the walls and the hordes of teenagers dancing.

"I thought this was a society event!" she hissed to Dan, whose eyes were large.

A very young, very _drunk_ girl spun passed and giggled. "Well this is _my_ kind of society!" she slurred. Jenny rolled her eyes.

Serena swooped in, a dress, as golden and beautiful as her mane of hair, clinging to her body. She smiled shyly at Dan. "Humphrey," she said sweetly, taking his hand and dragging him off.

"Serena! Wait!" Jenny yelled, but the blond goddess didn't hear. She was watching Dan too intensely to notice anything else. Jenny scanned the room, searching for a certain dark-eyed boy. She couldn't find him anywhere.

She strolled over to the bar and sank into a chair, sighing. "What can I get ya?" asked a bartender. He was young, with caramel blond hair and honey coloured eyes. He looked like a country boy. Jenny swayed dizzily. Would Erik look for a guy like this? Was this his 'type'?

"The strongest thing you've got," she said, feeling totally drained.

He came back with a glass of something so bright and neon it nearly glowed. She downed the pink liquid hurriedly. She couldn't wait to be drunk blind. She wouldn't have to think straight then.

"So, gorgeous, what's your name?" asked the bartender, rinsing a cup.

"If you get me another one of them, I'll tell you," she flashed him a silly grin. He handed her another glass, watching her scull half of it in one go.

"Humphrey. Wait, no. I got that wrong," she hiccoughed. "It's Jenny. And I am a Humphrey!" she sang, swivelling in the chair.

"Oh I'll bet."

"What'd you put in this? It's delicious! And very _strong_," she said, swallowing the rest. She glared at the emptiness of the flute. She felt that empty, really. She felt empty without Erik.

"Whatever I could find," her companion shrugged. "And I'm Henry. So, you free tomorrow?"

Jenny thought about that, putting a finger on her chin. "Hmm . . . I'm free right now!" she slurred.

The bartender smirked, leaning over the bench. "Well-"

Jenny felt two arms snake around her waist and lift her off the chair. "No, she's not free. Fuck off," hissed that melodic voice, full of cares and worries and honesty.

"Erik?" she whispered, but no one heard.

Jenny couldn't even remember his name – had he told her his name? All she knew was there was some shouting, and was that a threat? She sunk lower into Erik's arms, leaning her head against his chest.

"Get out of here," hissed Henry. Erik glared at him.

"Like we'd stay here with you."

And then she was being dragged off, her lank body feeling boneless. She felt the cool breeze hit her face like ice. "Oh, E," she sobbed against his shoulder.

"It's okay. Shh, it's okay. Come on now, you'll be alright," Erik said, waving for a cab. He laid Jenny in the seat beside him, and then she totally blanked out.

****

Jenny's eyes fluttered open. There he stood, like the angel he really was, his haunted, sad eyes watching her in concern. Jenny sat up, her head pounding.

"When did I- I um- Black out?" she asked Erik, taking in her surroundings. In the van der Woodsen flat, with all its beautiful artwork and stairs and antique furnishings. If she remembered correctly, this was the guest room.

"As soon as you sat down, J. Thank god we have a lift, no offence, I don't think I'd be able to carry you up the stairs."

Jenny rolled her eyes. "If my head didn't hurt, I might insult you. What's the time?"

"Ten. We've only been home, like, twenty minutes." There was a pause, which didn't quite feel uncomfortable, but didn't feel right either. "Anyway, I laid out some of Serena's old night slips and stuff. I didn't think you'd be going home anytime soon."

"What if Serena and Dan come here though?"

"Nah. Serena likes going to Dan's better, especially with your dad gone. Even though I can bet mum won't get home 'til about eleven tomorrow. Maybe later, if she's got a . . ."

Jenny grimaced. "Yeah, I got it. I'm going to shower."

Jenny let the hot water soothe her. It soothed her aches and her worries and her pains. It cured whatever need she had for Erik physically and mentally just for a minute as she concentrated on the heat slowly defrosting her. She didn't feel drunk, or even hung over. She felt like Jenny.

She screwed the taps tightly, drying herself and throwing on a rich, deep blue. It was a little big up the top, but it was still gorgeous. Jenny wondered if it was real silk. Serena probably had thousands of them. Serena probably never wore the same outfit once – even to bed. Jenny sighed.

Eric was leaning against the wall outside of the bathroom, his intense eyes looking up at her. He was thinking. She felt like she was always thinking now, but only about one thing.

Him.

She felt a little self-conscious, her long legs on show. But she watched Erik glance at her every so often and knew what they felt that first night still hung in the air.

He turned to follow Jenny to the guest room, but changed his mind. "Sleep well, Jenny," he said quietly.

"Erik," she called, waiting for him to turn. "You don't regret it, do you?"

Erik closed the distance between them, his lips hovering just above hers. "Of course not, you idiot," he mumbled. The door slammed behind them as he led her back into the guest room. History repeating itself.


	4. You Don't Even Like Coffee

**After checking out some stories I saw that authors like to post on their profiles what they think certain outfits look like or what their characters would look I've decided that I'm going to do that too, but start with this story only because it's my best and probably longest. So if you wanna see what my version of the outfits would be, it'll be on my profile. **

**I'm so glad people are liking this story and I seriously hope some more E&J fanfics come about because of this. Seriously! There isn't even one! **

**I'll skip the rant and go to the disclaimer: I just don't. Except for Sam. I do own Sam, and he'd be a cutie. You probably won't understand that until you read this, so ...**

Jenny stared out the window. She felt awake, but unconscious to her surroundings. Erik was nowhere, and she was alone. She wondered if he'd come back.

The door creaked open. _Speak of the devil,_ she thought calmly. She was concentrating on her breathing, on not worrying about the other stuff. He was in a pair of old sweats. Eric sat on the bed carefully, like his weight might tip Jenny off. He sank into the sheets with her, his eyes closed. He was tired.

She felt tired too. Tired of pretending and not knowing and waiting.

She took his hand and traced the remains of the scar on his wrist. Jenny saw him flinch, but he didn't open his eyes. She thought about the very first day they'd met, when he'd told her his story. She knew every now and again, he'd slip up again. He'd fall down the dark hole that had caused him depression. Her eyes pricked at the thought of Erik trying to kill himself.

But Jenny always picked him back up again, like a good friend should. Were they friends? Did he think of her as more?

"Do you ever think about it? About- About hurting yourself?" she asked, still tracing the healing injury. Erik paused, taking in her words.

"When I'm alone, if Serena's gone off somewhere for days. When mum has a new boyfriend and I don't matter anymore. But when I'm with you, I can't even imagine why I'd ever want to," he said quietly. Jenny's heart skipped a beat automatically at the thought of Erik being happy with her. It was silly, because if Erik didn't feel that way he wouldn't be here right now. But still . . .

"Well, then, I don't plan on leaving you alone anytime soon," she said jokingly, but she meant it. Erik didn't reply. Jenny just watched him, with his eyes shut. He fell asleep, his head on her shoulder. Jenny didn't have the heart to move him.

****

Jenny bounded through the streets in her favourite coat and tights. She felt ecstatic. She was full of energy and sparks and, dare she say it, love. She was also freezing her arse off.

People smirked at her as she jumped up and down at the Starbuck's line. She wanted to stick her tongue out at them, but decided not to push it.

Skipping through the streets, her insides warm with hot chocolate, Jenny hummed aimlessly to herself.

Her eyes roamed the tall buildings and the trees and the busy people hustling by. She wondered what they were thinking. Everyone here had a story, everyone had a past. But only she knew that hers was easily the best. Because, really, what kind of story was it without Erik?

And then her heart quickened. She felt shivers down her spine as the light reflected the light brown strands of his hair. She saw the happy look in his dark eyes and glowed for a second. But only a second.

Because next to Erik was an incredibly handsome boy. He was all blond hair and blue eyes and sweet smile and freckles. Her heart faltered.

_They're just friends_, she told herself as she took a few slow steps for the two guys.

_Just friends_. Her feet dragged against the pavement.

_Just . . . Just . . ._ She was a metre away.

"Look, Erik, I really like you," said the blond boy. Erik's cheeks flooded with colour.

"I like you too."

If Jenny hadn't heard her own heart shatter, she might've thought this moment was adorable. It really _was_ adorable. It was just all wrong. All meddled and twisted and heartbreaking.

Jenny gulped as she put on her best fake smile.

"Erik?" she asked innocently. Erik's- Erik's- She couldn't bare think the word boyfriend. Erik's friend turned and raised an eyebrow.

"Jenny," Erik greeted with a small wave, not daring to look Jenny in the eyes. "This is my, er-"

"Boyfriend," he finished, his blue eyes sparkling. Jenny held back the grimace as he spoke. "I'm Sam. You want a coffee, E?"

Erik nodded weakly. As Sam turned around the corner, she narrowed her eyes and glared at him. It was the one thing holding her back from breaking down. Her anger was her way out.

"You don't even like coffee," she hissed at him.

Erik shrugged, his eyes still on his feet. Jenny waited impatiently for an answer, the anger building and building until she thought she'd explode.

"Sam does. And maybe I'll get to like it someday too."

Jenny didn't know if the double meaning was really there, or whether she'd imagined it – but all she could hear was Erik telling her that Sam was his distraction. So he didn't fall in love with Jenny.

"Well _I_ think you're just fine without the coffee," she fired back, trying to make him see reason. This was getting ridiculous.

Erik sighed, finally making eye contact. His dark eyes were black, emotionless. She didn't like the cold look on his face. "Well its not who I am, okay? I was always meant to like coffee! It goes against _everything_ I thought I was if I suddenly start liking-" Erik coughed. "If I suddenly start liking hot chocolate," he said, much more calmly and quietly.

"So that's it? You're just going against all this stuff for him? Because you have this idea in your head that you're not meant for _me_?"

Erik shot her another blank look. "We were talking about drinks, Jenny."

And with that, Erik followed his new supposed love. She clutched on the trunk of a tree for support, feeling the tears prickle her eyes and fall before she could stop them.


	5. Adrenaline Rush

**Haha, I've just accidently updated the next chapter instead of this one. So i deleted it, because you all would've had a major freak out if you didn't read this first. Anyway, I sorta noticed my chapters aren't always that long, but that's because when i come up with ideas i sort of get stuck right into it while being all excited so i don't worry much about pointless drabble halfway through. Besides, i know you guys don't read those really long paragraphs jampacked with words that you have to look up on the online dictinary  
**

**d:  
**

**Enjoy.  
**

Jenny gave Dan her best glare. "I _told_ you I'm not going."

Dan shrugged. "I don't know what's happened, J, but you're all gloomy and sad. While Dad's away, I'm officially your guardian. So you can move your arse of that couch and get your party on."

"You don't like the snobs at those parties anymore than I do."

Dan sighed, exasperated. "It's important to Serena, and she's important to me."

Jenny just played with the hem of her denim dress, not wanting to talk about the van der Woodsen family. She hadn't talked to Erik in three weeks, and she wasn't about to waste any of her time where he would be.

"Please?" Dan pleaded. "I'll buy you a hot chocolate every day for a month if you do. I don't want to be there alone if Serena's talking to her friends."

Jenny contemplated that, while Dan tapped his foot impatiently. "Fine, a month and a half."

"Two months," she compromised, victory evident in her smirk.

"Fine," Dan scowled.

"With marshmallows?" she said. "I mean, if you _reall_ywant me to go-"

Dan sighed, rolling his eyes and heading towards his room. "If it gets you dressed, then yes. With marshmallows."

****

Jenny sucked in a deep breath as she flattened out her little black dress. She'd made it herself, and was sort of into this dark and mysterious kind of thing.

Dan, after swearing he wouldn't abandon her, already had. Serena had also quickly mentioned that Jenny have fun at "Blair's party". Jenny's stomach churned as she remembered the feud she'd fought with Blair. It had been the hardest thing she'd ever had to do, and harder to admit defeat. But now she was here, falling back into that dark hole of what Blair and her clones were.

She could hear that sweet, soft voice she knew belonged to Erik. The words became clearer and clearer over the band playing.

"- and they're really cool, too. The drummer has a wicked beat," Sam chattered animatedly. Jenny groaned, stepping backwards to try and escape running into the two boys.

Jenny tripped and fumbled over someone's shoes. She could feel her feet being knocked out from underneath her as she flew towards the ground. She closed her eyes tightly, as if not seeing would stop the pain that was the hard, tiled floor.

It was then that those warm, sturdy hands took her hands and pulled her back up. Her face was flooded with colour, her eyes wide.

Jenny turned around to see herself reflected in hazel eyes, flecked with all different hues of green. The boy had straight chocolate-covered eyes. She remembered feeling enclosed in his hard arms, knowing he must be pretty strong.

"Hi," he grinned. Jenny's cheeks coloured as she thought of Erik, who was most likely watching her right now. The thought sent electricity through her veins.

"Hi," she smiled back flirtatiously. "I'm Jenny. Jenny Humphrey."

"Tristan Banks," he replied, his white smile blinding.

The night was long, and she could feel Erik's dark eyes watching her jealously from a few seats away in the bar. She just laughed and smiled at everything Tristan had to say.

The party died out, and the guests stumbled out the door. She saw Blair's black eyes swoop over the near-empty room from the doorway, happy with the night's success.

When Jenny turned around, she saw Erik being pulled towards the door by Sam. His dark eyes were unhappy. He gave her a last meaningful look before striding out the door.

Jenny didn't really know what made her say what she said next. Maybe it was Erik's careful eyes, or Tristan's bright, excited ones. It might have been the way Tristan was talking to her, the way his lips brushed against her ear. It might have been the blinding lights or the cool night air touching her skin as she and her companion walked out the door.

"Why don't we go back to your place?" she asked, her hands tracing Tristan's shirt collar.

It was an adrenaline rush.


	6. You Dug Yourself Into This Hole

**Well, I'm just going to put this out here and hope no one freaks out. If you aren't comfortable with a rape situation, don't read ahead. It's not exactly what I wanted to have in this story, but now it's important in my story line and i don't want to change it. Just keep having faith in Jenny and read ahead. I don't think it's that bad, anyway. **

Jenny found herself in a big apartment, full of practical black furniture and books. She had figured Tristan lived on his own, since there was no other trace of human presence.

Tristan slid his hands around her waist. "You look good enough to eat," he mumbled in her ear. She felt a shiver run through her body, but it wasn't sparks. The adrenaline was gone. It felt strange, alone with another guy after Erik. It just didn't seem possible. She belonged with him, and only him.

What was she _doing_ here?

"Uh, you know what? How about I give you my number, and some other time-"

Her voice was cut off by Tristan's cool lips on hers. He pinned her against the wall, but she didn't resist. It wasn't so bad, but it wasn't right either. Jenny tried putting her hands on his chest and pushing him away, but he held her down.

"N-No- Tristan! H-Hey!" she gasped between the forced kisses.

Tristan took her thin wrists between her hands and pulled her towards a bedroom. It was big and white, with fancy oak furnishings and a big view. Jenny's heart felt like it was about tear right out of her chest. She couldn't breathe.

His hands reached her neck, playing with the tie of her dress. Chills ran down her spine as she tried to think of ways of escaping. She felt his hands gently tug on her dress, and the bile rise in her throat. Oh god, this was so wrong. Oh god, oh god, oh god!

Tristan smirked drunkenly as he unbuttoned his own shirt. Jenny felt so exposed, so vulnerable and used. She wanted to drive a knife through him; this guy was sick and twisted. Jenny gagged.

How many other girls had he done this to?

As Tristan crawled over to where she was lying – now in a pair of boxers, Jenny ducked and rolled off the bed to the corner of the room. She flung open a closet door, her body shaking violently. Pressing her feet against the door, Jenny sunk under an old pile of blankets.

"Holy shit. Oh dear god. Oh no," she whispered to herself as the door rattled. Her fingers, feeling like jelly, reached out and tried to click the lock. She couldn't do it – she was fumbling too much.

The door tore open, revealing Tristan panting. He had an angry look in his eye. "Jenny . . ." he said, trying to be soothing, but it alarmed her even more. He pinned her against the door, and she imagined what it would look like outside. It was cold, and raining. All you'd be able to see was Jenny's fingernails screeching down the glass like an old horror movie.

There was only one sound echoing through the house, and it was terrifying.

It was Jenny's ear piercing scream drowning out under Tristan's hands.


	7. Kill Me Now

**Konnichi Wa**

**This is my action seen, haha. Anyway, took me a while to finish this chapter. I've been working on an angst filled Sonny With a Chance fanfic so I've been majorly busy writing that. **

**Also- Happy Late Valentines Day! Did anyone see the movie? I loved it. But i'm a hopeless romantic and dreamer so I knew i would anyway. Sorry, when I uploaded this it was like the fifteenth, and now its what . . . the 22nd? Jeez. I didn't even know it was monday today.  
**

**Enjoy the chapter. I hope the last one wasn't too graphic or wrong or scary or whatever. I wasn't too worried until i actually uploaded it. Then i was like "oh god they're gonna hate me."  
**

Jenny devised a plan after too many rough, forced kisses. She started to kiss him back. He smiled, his eyes burning. "See? You want this."

Jenny let out a small moan as Tristan's tongue traced her collarbone. She gulped, wondering if he could see how fake she was being. She stood there limp and scared. But of course he didn't notice – he was a drunken psychopath. He was probably half blind.

Jenny pushed him onto the bed and winked. "How 'bout I go, er . . . Freshen up? And then we have all night," she said, her voice breaking unsteadily.

"Don't take too long, then," he grumbled, pulling back the sheets on his bed.

"Be right back," she mumbled, relieved he'd believed her.

Jenny quickly bent down and grabbed her dress, sprinting out the door and down the hall. She locked the bathroom, feeling tired and weighed down. But she didn't stop fighting. She was getting out of here, no matter what.

Throwing the dress over her head, Jenny studied the bathroom. There was one window, but it was rusted and old. She stood on the toilet, shivering in the icy room. She winced at the thought of how cold it would be outside.

Jenny tried sliding the glass panel.

It wouldn't budge.

She banged it over and over.

It wouldn't budge.

The door rattled as someone knocked. "What are you doing in there?" slurred Tristan. Jenny's heart thudded as she pushed with all her might on the window. She swore under her breath over and over again, tears prickling in her eyes.

The door handle shook and rattled. He was going to get through. Tears fell from her cold cheeks like boiling water. She let out a frustrated scream as she banged her fists against the glass.

Still nothing.

Jenny fell to the floor, her lank frame jerking every so often in panic. Oh god, this was the end. The quick end of Jenny Humphrey. Bye Dan, bye friends, bye Dad, bye- _Oh!_

Goodbye, Erik van der Woodsen.

Shrieks erupted from her throat, terrifying sounds. The type to make babies cry and puppies yelp. She flinched as she remembered Erik's hair, his lips, his eyes . . . That night . . .

Jenny clutched her chest as the world faded away from her. The distant sound of a door being rammed into; her cold, shattering sobs; her heart tearing and ripping like a piece of scrap paper.

Jenny's eyes fluttered, feeling only the numbing feeling of the cold tiles. And then it hit her, like a feeling of new hope inside of her dead body. Jenny stared ahead for a minute and blinked before dragging herself across the room.

Jenny's fingers closed around the long stick holding the towels and tugged on it. She pulled and pulled until the wall started to crack. Unsteadily, she placed her feet upon the towel rack and jumped.

_Jump, jump, jump. _

_Crack, crack, crack. _

Jenny rubbed her head as she landed on the tiles again. Her eyes filled with angry, determined fire as she gazed at the broken rack, bits of metal and wood scattered around it. It wasn't the best thing she could find, but it would do.

"Let me in, Jenny!_ LET ME IN NOW!_" growled Tristan from the other side of the door.

Jenny scrambled to her feet and picked up the heavy, metal pole. Her heart thudded unevenly as the pole flew through the air, her arm guiding it. It was music to her ears hearing that shatter of glass, but it wasn't enough.

She could hear the door breaking down – the hinges unbolting and the wood splintering. It made her keep fighting. Her arm flung through the air again, and this time it worked. Broken, sharp glass pierced and grazed her skin. She ignored the trickling of blood down her leg and cheek.

Jenny hoisted herself up to the ledge of the window. The door shattered behind her, revealing a very psychotic looking Tristan. He lunged across the room, ready to grab Jenny. Thank god he missed. She slid her legs outside the window and watched Tristan's face bleed from the shattered glass on the floor.

Jenny looked down.

_Aw, shit_.

The fact that they were several stories above ground had completely escaped her mind. But Tristan was already dusting himself off, ready to attack again.

Without really thinking, Jenny closed her eyes and hung herself out the window. "One, two, three!" she muttered, letting go of the edge.

It was an amazing feeling as she flew through the air. The wind whipped at her body like ice, and it only got colder as she came closer to the ground. Jenny felt the incredible pain before she'd even really hit the ground. Her body was limp. She felt destroyed and broken in every possible way.

_Kill me now_, she thought.

If she didn't move, Tristan would come back for her. He'd be down that elevator like a mad man. She couldn't fight any longer, she just couldn't.

"Jenny?" asked a sincere, beautiful voice. Jenny wanted to laugh hysterically. She was freaking hallucinating! She was going _nuts_. This was ridiculous.

So Jenny laughed. She let out a small whimper, and then a full bitter burst of laughter.

"What the fuck?" asked the voice that must be inside her head. "Jenny? Oh dear friggan' god, _Jenny_! Can you hear me?"

Jenny stopped laughing and opened her eyes. The light of the sun rising shone over blond strands of hair. The gold reflected in her terrified blue eyes.

"Kill me now," she whispered.


	8. The Morning After

**A/N: Ahh! I'm so sorry. I'm mad at myself. In fact, I hope you guys are mad at me. I dunno how long its been since I've updated this. It feels like forever (but its probably only been like a week). **

**And to leave you guys on a cliffhanger, too? I'm cruel.**

**So if anyone is still interested in this story, if you haven't forgotten about me, then good. I love you. I really do. (: **

**I really do apologize, though. I've been updating this new SWAC fanfic, working on my first Harry Potter one (which got deleted by mistake and I had to start all over again, mind you), creating a numerous amount of silly one-shots, and also expanding my creations with a little project of mine. I'm writing poetry (not boring stuff, the beautiful stuff, I hope) based on this amazing photographer's work. I practically worship at her feet. **

**Anyway, add all this, plus school and friends and family and sport, and well, I'm pretty much stuffed, aren't I? **

**Oh, and to make it all worse, this is short too. Short, but essential.  
**

Erik watched Jenny sleep peacefully. She was out of that ripped, wet dress she'd worn to the party, and in a pair of warm sweats. Her blond hair fanned out around her angel face, her thick lashes casting shadows across her slightly pink cheeks.

Erik's heart crumpled and tugged as he though about the hell Jenny must have gone through. He should've stopped her . . . He should've known . . .

Sam had called him numerous times in the past twenty hours since they'd parted ways. Apparently, not calling someone back meant that they really _did_ want to talk. The young Van der Woodsen's shoulders weighed with guilt as he thought of how much he really didn't like Sam, not in that way at least.

There was only silence in the empty house. He felt horribly empty, too. It wasn't like he could suddenly turn back, could he? Couldn't just jump back in the closet. He couldn't love Jenny Humphrey, not in the way he really did.

Erik watched, with his sad brown eyes, in awe of this unique girl. One minute, she was fierce and wild. You couldn't tame a girl like that. But the next, Jenny was sweeter than sugar. Jenny was driven and determined – usually.

If she really liked Erik, wouldn't she be fighting for him, like all the other things she'd fought for in her life?

Erik didn't move for quite along time, he just watched Jenny sleep. It did feel kind of odd, and a little intrusive to her privacy, but he didn't really care. He doubted she'd care either, from what she'd told him so far.

It was those precious moments after the battle, before life could really start up again. It was the time when you exhaled, tired from fighting. Erik knew Jenny had fought for a long time, all night maybe. And then even before that, she'd been fighting Erik.

He'd never be good enough for her.

So Erik stayed in his spot, his eyes never leaving Jenny's inert body. He told the time by the different shades of sunlight colouring her golden locks. It had to be nearly ten, now. Besides, it wasn't like she knew he was watching, was it?

*

Jenny, though hazy and sore, could feel presence in the room. She had no energy whatsoever, and her legs ached in just the thought of standing.

Jenny had had the most horrible dream. It was so dark, so spine-chilling and blood-curdling. It wasn't very clear, but it had all the same effect. She could've died, but she didn't, because this beautiful blond angel had stopped her from falling. And then it had gone blank, though the dream kept playing over and over in her head.

Feeling warm and safe, Jenny opened one eye ever so slowly. She saw the very same beautiful angel as in her dream, and smiled weakly. She really was safe, now.

**Might not deserve it, but I'll love you forever if you review ;) **


	9. Haha, Good One!

**A/N: Don't have much to say today (and that's rare, mind you), except I hope people are still liking this story and not totally droning out. Because that would suck. A LOT. **

**Anyhoo, enjoy this chapter. I really do think my characters have gone off the edge a bit here. Not that it's permanent. Can you imagine that? Jenny in a mental asylum? Yeahh. Thrilling story. **

Jenny had woken in the van der Woodsen's apartment alone. After changing into one of Serena's old outfits, Jenny had bolted. There was a note left on the door, which she hastily tucked into the pocket of Serena's jeans.

So she sat here now, her feet dangling over the edge of the river bank. She hadn't had the guts to read the note – she'd barely been able to glance at it. Jenny was terrified, she had so little memory of the past night and day. It was sunset now, and she felt horribly alone.

Jenny didn't want to face her father or Dan, so she had come here, the most peaceful place she knew. Surrounded by thick edgings of trees, away from the city's noise, Jenny could think.

Last night was a blur. She couldn't remember what was real life and what was a nightmare, which terrified her. Jenny felt so unsafe and dirty in her body. Who knows what had happened to it last night.

She wondered what Erik was doing now. Cuddling up to his boyfriend? That seemed likely. It wasn't like he'd cared enough to stick around and see she whether she was okay – although she seriously doubted he had even been the one to save her anyway. It was probably Serena or Lily. She'd just wished it was Erik.

Jenny pulled the letter out of her pocket slowly, still unsure. _Come on, you gutless wimp_, she said, trying to push herself into it.

_It's not like you can get hurt anymore than you are now._

You suck at pep talks.

_Yeah, but I'm trying_.

Whatever.

_You suck at comebacks. _

Well then you have to suck at comebacks!

_Why?_

Because I'm sort of fighting with myself here.

_I think you're insane quite frankly._

And I think you're an idiot who should keep their mouth shut.

_Haha! You just insulted yourself!_

Jenny sighed, maybe she really was going insane. Why couldn't she just read it? How did she even know it was from Erik?

Jenny's fingers ran gently over the crisp sheet of white A4 notebook lined paper. It felt like she needed to be cautious, in case the precious little note in her hand might tear at any sudden movement.

"One, two, three!" she muttered, flipping the page open and gazing at the first line. She recognised the scrappy handwriting straight away.

_To Jenny_

_I picked you up last night. I thought you were dead, you know. I was so scared as I dragged your lifeless body away. I will never, ever forgive myself. Wow, I never thought I'd be dramatic enough to say that, but here I am. I should have stopped you, Jenny.  
_

_So I changed your clothes (I hope you don't mind, but you looked like you might turn blue). This seems a little sad and stalkerish, but I watched you all morning._

_I had to make a choice. And I did.  
_

_If I could be what you needed me to be, I would. I wish.  
_

Jenny's breath caught in her throat. This wasn't good news - though it wasn't like she'd expected anything better.

_But I can't. I'm sorry. I just can't do this. _

_I will never, ever be good enough for you Jenny. I hope you know that. You're this wild, dream-following, beautiful kid full of wonder and ambition. I'm just this boy with his head and his heart in two completely different places. You have no idea how impossibly hard this is for me. It would be like you __thinking __knowing you were a girl all your life, and then waking up one morning, and just not being one anymore._

_Okay, crap analogy, but I'm not some deep poet. _

_I'm a right bastard, aren't I? I know. _

_But J, I love you. I love, love, love you. I could go on forever, but that'd be wrong. I probably should have sent you something saying I never wanted to be with you, because then we'd hopefully both have a clean break. Like breaking a bone and the edges might be rough, but at least it will heal._

_Did I mention I was a terrible poet? _

_I'm rambling. Okay. Sorry. _

_Anyway, I'm going to stay in the New Hamptons for a few weeks to sort out my head. It's winter holidays, I know, and it's a shabby place to be while I could be swallowing snow flakes in New York. _

_Love always, _

_Erik. _

_Oh, and PF or PH or P whatever it is, _

_You were the first and very best person I have and ever will have sex with. Just so you know_.

The paper slipped from Jenny's hand. She didn't mind that it almost fell in the lake, although she knew she'd care later. This might be the only time Erik would ever say he loved her, and it was written in writing. She had it forever.

Jenny didn't cry or scream. She didn't do anything. Her body felt the most numb it had ever felt it ages. In fact, this wasn't numb. This was _ice_.

This was life biting her hard on the arse.

This had to be a joke, right?

Somebody _please_ pinch her. Would Erik just hurry out of the trees and laugh already? "_Hah! Got you good, Jenny! Now let me kiss all this silly, unnecessary pain away under the sunset." _

Please? Please tell her this was a joke?

She didn't even know Erik was this funny. Because this was absolutely flipping hilarious. Really, it was. It was cruel and harsh and horrible, but it was only a joke, so it was okay.

She was begging now, desperate to hear the laughter. Hah! Erik leaving Jenny? That's a good one! Right?

Right?

_At least it will heal_.

Erik had said that. Did he really believe it would heal? Maybe for him it would. But she didn't think it would ever heal for herself.

Jenny ran their very first night together through her head. It was stuck on replay then, over and over again. She was happier here, knowing at least she still had one night left with him.

This really wasn't a very funny joke.

**ReviewReviewReview**

**If you guys have written fanfics, you'll know reviews are like our air. **

**And I like breathing, thankyou very much. **

**I don't really know where I'm going with this so er- yeah. Peace out. **


	10. Time Passed

**A/N: Short, meaningful chapter. Is this ten yet? I think so! Woo hoo! Hah. Might not be exciting for you, but this and my SWAC story are my longgest stories so far after my first multi-chap sunked. **

**Anyhoo, please ignore any typos. I'm using my new (hand-me-down), mini notebook pc and the keys are very frustrating. **

Seconds passed. Minutes passed. Hours passed. Days passed. Weeks, eventually, passed.

It was a slow and painful thing. If this was death, it was hell. Because no matter how much they loved each other, there was absolutely nothing Jenny could do. _Absolutely nothing. _

He said he would be gone a _while_. But even Serena said she didn't know what happened to him. Jenny knew he would find someone else fast – a _guy_, of course. Because that's who he was. That's who Erik van der Woodsen fucking was.

He said he loved her. But he only said, he never promised, and she knew that love would fade.

"Lies!" she spat in disgust after unfolding the piece of paper one more time. The folds had been done over so many times that the creases were deepening and the paper was weakening.

He didn't come back, not before Jenny gave up.

Time passed. It was slow, like a knife being dragged through her body endlessly. But the clock ticked on. Time passed. Erik didn't come back.

**What did you think?**

**Sad? I thought so.**


	11. No Wonder Erik Liked Him

**A/N: How are ya'll? Anyone still reading this? **

Jenny was tired. Life was exhausting her, and she missed feeling happy. It wasn't like she was wallowing in self pity, but life just didn't have any meaning anymore.

A life without Erik.

Jenny prayed and prayed he'd come back soon – even if they just stayed friends. She would rather suffer by watching him happy with another guy than suffer by being alone. It had been a good three months since he'd left, and though she had called him every night for two of those months, Erik never answered. Jenny stopped calling then.

She got the message, but why couldn't he even _talk _to her? All she wanted was a little, 'I'm okay' from him, so she could stop worrying.

Okay, so she wasn't _worried, _she was more desperate to see him. But still, there was worry in there somewhere. Surely, though, Serena would have known if something had happened to him.

Jenny was starting to think Serena was getting extremely annoyed by her. Every time she saw the young van der Woodsen, she would ask her if she'd heard anything. Serena would reply in a rather impatient tone that she hadn't. The only news that had come was that he had decided to stay a little longer.

Dan asked her over and over again whether she was okay. Her answer was the same every time, though she never really meant it. "_I'm fine, Dan." _

Jenny roamed the streets, yawning. Her feet led her to places with secret meetings; like the corner street in front of the ice cream parlour where Jenny and Erik had spent their school day afternoons, or the first club they had ventured to together.

One sunny afternoon, Jenny bumped into a cute blond-haired blue-eyed freckled boy, though her skin had crawled at the memory of him. "Sam," she greeted curtly.

"Oh, Jenny," Sam sighed, as though they were old friends. Jenny got the impression Sam was like that – lovable, friendly, sweet. No wonder Erik had liked him. Jenny's stomach churned as the thought passed through her mind. "Have you heard from Erik?"

Jenny shook her head slowly.

"How 'bout we get a drink, then we can talk," Sam muttered, though it wasn't a suggestion. It seemed he had already made up his mind as he dragged Jenny around the block to Starbucks.

Jenny glided through the door with ease, the smell of chocolate and coffee filling her nose, the warmth nice in the unusually cool Spring air. Sam hurried her over to the line. He ordered a sweet, light latte, and Jenny ordered her simple, classic favourite.

They sipped at a booth in silence for a while. Sam, obviously not the silent type, decided to speak up. "Have you heard anything? About Erik, I mean?"

"No, no I haven't. I didn't know you two had broken up, really," Jenny replied quietly, tracing the rim of her cup. It was a stupid, now that she thought about it, to assume they were still together. Erik was practically on a missing persons file, after all.

"Yeah," Sam agreed quietly, looking away. "I told him he could come back to my place, and he agreed, but I guess he seemed kind of tense all night. Then he suddenly told me he couldn't 'do this' anymore, and begged me to let him out. He caught a cab, and Lord knows where he went. I was so worried about him."

Jenny's heart softened towards the poor kid. His eyes were like a sad puppy's, and he was so sincere. It made her feel guilty even sitting here with Sam. "I'm sorry, Sam."

"I'm sorry too. You know, I don't think he liked me as much as he said, but I did like him. I always wondered why he didn't like me, but I think I get it now. He was in love with someone else, and I was a distraction. I can't blame him; I might need a distraction from him too. But whoever it was, he sure did love a lot. And I don't think faking a new relationship _or_ running away will stop that," Sam said, giving Jenny a meaningful glance.

Jenny shrugged back pointedly, as though she didn't know what he was talking about. She did know, of course, but she didn't want to talk about it. She was losing hope he'd come back every day, now.

Sam sighed and slid out of the booth, giving her a frustrated look. "Jenny, you sure don't know how lucky you are."

Jenny scanned her bench area when she walked home. She flipped through the mail, expecting nothing more than a few bills and overdue book statements.

"Bill, bill, overdue book, overdue _movie_, bill, bank statement," Jenny sighed, tossing the letters over her shoulder. But amongst all the boring, plain white envelopes lay a little lilac one, with her name scrawled messily on it. That was the day Jenny got the second letter.

**Oooh! A second letter!**

**Whaddya guys reckon thats all about? **

**Review, x. **


	12. Dear Jenny

**Well, well. The second letter. *Squee!* **

**Guess what? Here in Australia, in Brissy, Gossip Girl season four is going to premiere in approximately fifty two minutes, going by the time on my computer. *Ginormous Squee!* **

**Haha, anyhoo, enjoy it. **

_Dear Jenny,_

_I'm having a wonderful time here. Life is great!_

_I've met a new guy, he's nice. I was sort of lonely out here, missing good friends like you. But then I met him, and it was like love at first sight. Hah, you're probably snorting at how cliché that is. _

_Well, the weather is nice here. Not a snow flake in sight. I bet you're shivering in your boots over there . . . _

_How's Serena? And Mom? _

_Oh, and how are you going J? _

_Sorry I haven't returned your calls. I've been so busy with this guy . . . It's magic, Jenny, it really is. Anyway, I hope everything is good. _

_All my friendly love, _

_Erik. _

_PS (not PF or PH) I don't think I'm coming back. _

Jenny's gut wrenched. The note slipped from her finger tips. He'd made it pretty clear Jenny was a good _friend._ Friend this and friend that.

Bloody good friends they were, right?

He wasn't coming back. He wasn't coming back. He wasn't coming back. Dear _god_ he was not coming back.

Jenny tore the letter to shreds angrily. Each little rip satisfied her a little bit more, until the papers was in tatters on the floor. She let her tears soak them, feeling awfully cliché and dramatic. But she was always like that these days . . .

The things he could do to her.

Letting out one long breath, Jenny reached for the other beautiful, love-proclaiming letter in her pocket. She dug her fists in the right one, then the left one, then her back pockets, then her jacket-

"It's not here!" Jenny shrieked to no one. She was sobbing now, fumbling through her clothes, trying to find that little slip of paper. Gasping in frustration, Jenny stormed to her room and slammed the door.

Jenny stared at her ceiling, never moving. She didn't come out for two days.

**Review, oh please oh please oh please. **


	13. Oh, Liar

**A/N: I do like this chapter. I do I do I do. **

Finally, Jenny decided to do something.

It took approximately ten minutes to plead Dan to let her run away.

It took twenty minutes to pack her bag.

Another hour to plead with Dan after he changed his mind again.

It took thirteen minutes for a cab to finally come to a halt and let her in.

It took a few hours to get from New York to her destination (with the hellish traffic).

It took a five minute call from Serena to find out just where Erik was staying.

It took another fifteen minutes to walk there.

It took all of her money to get there.

But Erik answered the door, shirtless and warm with the heater going, and Jenny didn't care that she was broke. She didn't care she'd wasted half a day looking for a boy who would never love her. She just didn't care.

Erik didn't say anything as he led her inside. He didn't say anything as he showed her the guest room, where he knew she would stay, and he didn't speak as Jenny made them hot chocolate.

After hours of staring out the window in the warm, extravagant home, Erik spoke. "I missed you."

Jenny, startled by the sound of his voice and bit her lip. She lied, "I know."

"There isn't really another guy. I didn't want you to think I was moping over you. I was, though."

"I know," Jenny lied.

"I love you," he whispered, his voice hitching.

Jenny's lips twitched. "I know," she lied again. "I love you too."

But that wasn't a lie.

Jenny didn't give a flying fuck whether he was gay; she leant over and kissed him. And to her delight, he kissed her back. It was bitter but sweet, it was hungry but soft, it was sad but enlightening.

Jenny hadn't counted the days since Erik first slept with her. But it happened all over again that night in their warm house. He held her against his chest, and Jenny didn't panic over whether he really did love her or not.

Quite frankly, she didn't care.

**And I hope you liked it too. **

**x. **


	14. Phone Calls

**Bonjour Amigos, **

**Nothing to say. Not sure about this chapter, so just keep reading, because the next chapters are a lot better. **

Jenny woke to a beeping sound in her ear. It was the most horrible sound in the world, now that she was in a warm bed with soft covers next to-

Actually, she wasn't next to anyone.

Jenny sat up, ignoring her phone that read _Dan_ on the screen and stretched. She threw one of Erik's old t-shirts on and padded barefoot down the stairs.

"Hey, Jenny," Erik said, leaning over a pan and watching it sizzle. "Want some pancakes?"

Jenny grinned. "You can cook?"

"Of course."

"Since when?"

"Since I came here and had nothing better to do- Shit!" he murmured, turning the tap on and throwing his fist under the running water. He shot Jenny a sheepish smile. "Okay, so, I'm no great chef or anything-"

"I'll say, look at these!" Jenny shrieked, pointing to the smoking pan.

"Shut up," he grumbled, turning the stove off and tossing the melted mess into the bin.

"How 'bout _I _teach you how to cook, oh wise master of the kitchen," Jenny smirked while taking the pan from his hands and setting it on the table.

Erik watched her, intrigued. Jenny took his hands and helped him crack the eggs (which he still managed to do unsuccessfully). She helped him flip the batter (which somehow ended up smeared along his cheek) and finally, Jenny drizzled the honey over the golden pancakes and added a scoop of ice cream. Erik grinned, digging into his breakfast.

"This is- The best- Jennifer Humphrey- _Mm_-" Erik murmured between bites.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," was her reply.

The days past in a hazy, beautiful blur, full of (Jenny's) great food and hours lying by the fire. Erik read a lot, while Jenny sowed. Some days they were silent, and some days they played tiggy just for the fun of it.

There was one thing bringing her back to reality, though – Dan. He kept calling and calling and calling, until Jenny almost threw her phone at the wall. One day, after his forty-ninth call, Jenny picked up with a sigh.

"What?"

"Is that how you answer your phone, J? You're so rude-"

"Shut up."

"Oh real mature, Jen."

"Real mature _saying_ I'm real mature."

"Real mature saying I'm real mature saying you're real mature."

"Oh get a better comeback!"

"You stole it off me!"

"I did not-"

"You know, I didn't call you just so you could yell at me for no reason-"

"_Get on with it then!_"

"Jeesh! Calm down! Anyway-"

Dan rambled on. Jenny only caught onto a few words.

The phone slipped from Jenny's hand. It didn't matter – she didn't want to hear the rest of it anyway. Jenny merely stared at the ground, only vaguely aware that Erik was somewhere behind her. There was no feeling in her body, only a slight, cold numbness.

"Jenny?"

She didn't hear him.

"Jenny!"

She didn't respond.

"_JENNY!_" Erik yelled, shaking her thin shoulder restlessly.

Jenny looked up at him with wide blue eyes, ones that tore up immediately.

So this was it.

**x, review. **


	15. So This Is It

So"So- This- This is it?" Erik muttered, cringing and sighing and shifting uncomfortably for one moment.

"So this is it," Jenny replied, staring at their bed. They refused to move, scared the moments they had would disappear if things changed (even if they were already changing). Erik wanted to hug her . . . Or kiss her . . . Or just do _something_.

"Are you sure?"

"'_Lily and Rufus are so in love, it's not funny. What about me and Serena? I love her!'_" Jenny said bitterly, imitating her brother. "He's a real arse, my brother. He really is."

"Yeah, I bet Serena's just _shattered_," Erik snarled, just because he didn't want to say anything sad.

Jenny nodded, lighting a cigarette she'd left in her pocket. Not that she'd smoked in a while . . . It had been those bleary gaps where nothing really meant anything that she had stolen Dan's cigarettes (who went off on a rather profuse rampage). They burned her throat and made her cough and splutter, but it felt like _something_ . . . And something was sort of missing in her life.

"You smoke?"

"You don't?"

There was a long, dragging silence that seemed so dramatic and painful that it might just shatter Jenny's heart. Erik, of course, knew what she meant. Smoking, an easy way out, a sin. Why hadn't he thought of that? Why hadn't he thought of doing something reckless? He'd just sat there, wallowing in self-pity.

He'd always seen that side of her - that dark side. It wasn't like she could help it; it was a natural pull towards doing the wrong thing. Countless times, she'd hurt herself and her family by striving for the top.

"I love you," she said quietly, just to break the uneven, panic-infusing silence that haunted them. Erik didn't see it that way. He saw it as a silence of longing, and pain, and diversions, and pretending, and tears, and the love story that they'd both thought would never end.

It just did, though.

So maybe they were too different. Maybe she was always going to be that way; uneven and dangerous and real and never ever pretending. Maybe he was always going to be that way; full of dreams and pretending and mismatched little things that never quite added up.

Maybe.

Or maybe that was the thing that made them work the most.

Jenny didn't care, and Erik sort of cared (but he pretended not to care, for her sake). Jenny smoked two more cigarettes after that one died out, and Erik stared at the ceiling, searching for things that would never be there. They didn't mind that they were different, but it sure seemed to be more noticeable now.

Bound by the laws or marriage (just not their marriage). Lily would say they'd take it slow, but how long had the two families known they loved each other? From the start. From the very start, Jenny had secretly been waiting for this to happen. She saw the longing looks; she saw the uncertain brief touches when they met. Rufus would propose, and their wedding would be simple but beautiful (he was simple, she was beautiful) and they would never have kids. They would break each other's hearts every now and again, and the kids would get dragged into it. Jenny had known this from the start.

She supposed that was why this didn't pierce through her sides. This little- _thing, _was only dull and slightly aching.

Erik took her hand, and she wished just once she didn't see things so clearly. She wished Lily and Rufus never saw it, because even if they weren't bound by the laws of marriage yet, it was pretty revolting that their parents were together anyway.

Jenny refused to move until the next dawn breaking in the sky, where she silently dropped his hand and unzipped her bag. He stared at her with sore eyes (neither had slept the previous eighteen or so hours while they laid in bed) and waited for her to say goodbye.

She had always known it was coming, but she was never ready for it.

* * *

**A/N: I kind of liked that chapter. I felt like my talent was showing. **

**Anyhoo, thank you all for you great reviews and support. **

**x. **


	16. Never Again

**A/N: I'm proud to announce this is my last chapter. Thanks all you loyal readers&reviewers who have done it tough by pressing that green button and typing (I'm kidding. It's seriously not that hard). **

**I think I'll be sticking to one-shots for a little while. I've got a new Harry Potter one going up today :) **

**Does anyone else find multi-chaps draining? Especially when you're grounded? **

**Oh well. **

**Enjoy, my wonderful readers**

The next day was full of eager kisses and terrified touches, but both were too panicked to care about that. The next day, Jenny stepped out of the bed from the last night they would spend together (he knew that, she knew that) and put on her favourite dress.

"Never again," Erik whispered, emotionless. His face was blank, his words rough.

"Never again," she agreed.

Never again would they fall in love with each other, never again would they sleep together, never again would they dream this dream.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Jenny returned home, borrowing money from her never-again boyfriend. Erik returned home, listening to sad songs that didn't mean much.

They opened the door to their homes. One was bombarded by such things like "_where were you_" and _"I swear I'll kill you"_. The other's house was empty.

One returned home like nothing had happened. One was grounded for two months.

One went through old photos. One stayed in their room screaming about how unfair a grounding of two months was.

One played soccer in the park. One buried themselves under their sheets.

One called their mother a bitch. The other called their father a fuck head.

Neither parents knew why, as they chatted over late-night dinners in extravagant restaurants.

They both returned to school. They both greeted each curtly, like they weren't feeling anything at all. They both went through long, uninteresting classes. They both remembered everything.

They both loved each other, but stuck to their promise.

Never again.

**You know whats ironic? My angst-y, sad, depressing, emotional multi chap ended out with a happy ending. **

**And this roller coaster of a love story has a sad one.**

**I hope you love me anyway.**

**(for the last time) x, review. **


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